I met this wonderful lady here in Italy and we immediately became fast friends. When we met, i was struggling with adjusting to my new home in this new town where i knew nobody, until i met her. She on the other hand was going through a difficult divorce, planning to move from the only home she has known for years and looking to buy a new home to settle in all the while dealing with the mind boggling Italian bureaucracy to get things done, while trying to rebuild the broken relationship with her son and also keep her small business going...it was a lot.
But, even while going through a tough time, she inspired me because i witnessed her working hard at life. She on the other always reminds me that my story and choices have inspired her too. Yes, there were tears on some days and our local bar got to know us because of our long coffee dates (because we can talk for hours) but even without intending it or knowing it, we inspired each other just by living our ordinary lives...nothing special, no limelight...just doing life.
I am so thankful for the easy friendship and so grateful for the unexpected inspiration that was born of a vulnerable phase in our lives. So much growth and learning has taken place, and that is priceless.
Every day many ordinary men and women wake up and tackle difficult life situations. You will never hear about their stories, know their names or see their pictures on the cover of a magazine but they are out there working hard at life, even though their accomplishments are not visible or glorified.
So here's to those working hard to put food on the table. Parenting alone. Struggling with an addiction. Caring for a loved one with special needs. Re-building a broken relationship. Grieving the passing of a loved one while tackling everyday life. Trying to find yourself. Battling an illness. Being treated unfairly in the workplace but you keep going and keep starting over. Here's to all of those who keep getting knocked down by life but always stagger back up. You are the real MVPs. You are all an inspiration to those around you...because what is life without inspiration?
Xx,
Victoria
Thursday, 6 December 2018
Thursday, 29 November 2018
The Present is THE Present.
Sometimes when i get bored or when something traumatic happens, i start searching for answers to life's burning questions...well i do this a lot in the middle of the night too, when sleep avoids me. Sometimes the questions go something like, "Why am i here? What did i do to deserve being here?" and other times they are so random like, "Why does my left eye twitch in the darkness? Why am i afraid of the dark?" you know, normal, everyday questions.
Once i have exhausted google, i usually end up responding to an email i have been procrastinating about, then i will get some anxiety about my over-flowing inbox and junk mail so i clean that up and promise not to let it get that bad again (but then i have promised many times before and i still let it happen...go figure...).
Half the time i don't have any idea what the answer is to some of these life's questions that keep popping up. And by half the time i mean all the time. And yet now and then i feel so lucky because i could be in the shower, eyes closed, enjoying the warm water on my skin...the few moments when i don't do any thinking for some reason...and just like that, an aha moment! I can describe this aha moment as a glimpse of something you know is there yet it keeps hiding from you, but once in a while it reveals itself to you...if that makes sense.
As i have become more aware of my thinking tendencies i have gotten better at being in the now. I have a lot to learn, but for now thinking less has been such a gift that i am so grateful for because it is my over-thinking that has caused me a lot of anxiety over the years. In these moments when i give no attention to my thoughts i notice my heart beating and feel so grateful to be alive. In these moments when i am not stuck in my thoughts thinking about yesterday, tomorrow or what happened ten years ago, my aliveness comes through. I realize my life is not my personal history or any of the things that have happened to me (or not happened to me). In these special moments it is clear my life is none other than my beating heart and my consciousness...and i get filled with so much gratitude because i get to be here. I get to exist.
Xx,
Victoria.
Once i have exhausted google, i usually end up responding to an email i have been procrastinating about, then i will get some anxiety about my over-flowing inbox and junk mail so i clean that up and promise not to let it get that bad again (but then i have promised many times before and i still let it happen...go figure...).
Half the time i don't have any idea what the answer is to some of these life's questions that keep popping up. And by half the time i mean all the time. And yet now and then i feel so lucky because i could be in the shower, eyes closed, enjoying the warm water on my skin...the few moments when i don't do any thinking for some reason...and just like that, an aha moment! I can describe this aha moment as a glimpse of something you know is there yet it keeps hiding from you, but once in a while it reveals itself to you...if that makes sense.
As i have become more aware of my thinking tendencies i have gotten better at being in the now. I have a lot to learn, but for now thinking less has been such a gift that i am so grateful for because it is my over-thinking that has caused me a lot of anxiety over the years. In these moments when i give no attention to my thoughts i notice my heart beating and feel so grateful to be alive. In these moments when i am not stuck in my thoughts thinking about yesterday, tomorrow or what happened ten years ago, my aliveness comes through. I realize my life is not my personal history or any of the things that have happened to me (or not happened to me). In these special moments it is clear my life is none other than my beating heart and my consciousness...and i get filled with so much gratitude because i get to be here. I get to exist.
Xx,
Victoria.
Tuesday, 20 November 2018
Poetry
I've been dying for something real
I've been waiting for time to heal
I've been searching for ways to deal
I've been dreaming of the up-hill
I've been hoping the layers will peel
I've been praying for truth not to conceal...
Xx,
Victoria.
PS: So grateful for the gift and love of writing. For the power of words. For the beauty of poetry...just like a bottle of good wine, poetry doesn't get old.
I've been waiting for time to heal
I've been searching for ways to deal
I've been dreaming of the up-hill
I've been hoping the layers will peel
I've been praying for truth not to conceal...
Xx,
Victoria.
PS: So grateful for the gift and love of writing. For the power of words. For the beauty of poetry...just like a bottle of good wine, poetry doesn't get old.
Friday, 2 November 2018
I am not the Vegas friend...
It doesn't mean i don't like to have fun or that i don't like Vegas...i do, but i am not that friend who calls you to get ready for a wild night out...maybe what i am trying to say is that i am a homebody more than i am "fun".
I want to be invited (so please do send me that invite) but there's also a chance i will not go. I want to hit that new club with the girls but there's always that moment when stilettos are on and all i need is some lipstick then i am ready to go...but suddenly i look at my comfy couch and warm, fur blanket and all urge to go out clubbing is gone. The couch, pop-corn, a glass of red and nice movie easily wins.
But i am the friend you can call when you are lying in a hospital bed awaiting some scary news and you need someone to stay and hold your hand. I am the friend you call when your world comes crushing down and you need a good cry on a comfortable couch with some hot tea, no questions and lots of fluffy napkins to wipe your tears. I am that friend you call when you need the truth because i will always tell it as it is. I am the loyal till the end friend and also the emotional friend who remembers the name of your childhood dog, and who will get nostalgic and teary-eyed with you as we look through old pictures. I am the friend who will save your money for you and remind you that i still have it even if it is ten years later (if you are that forgetful hahaha). I am the friend you leave your children with and know that i will care for them as if they were my own. I am that friend who picks up mail for her friend in her P.O.Box and mails it to her abroad every month for a year until her return. I am that friend who will go visit your aunt in hospice because you cannot be there. And i am the friend you don't have to call all the time but when we meet, we can still pick up right where we left off...i am also the friend you can be in silence with...
I am so thankful for friendships...all kinds of friendships. The ones that stand the test of time. The ones that last even when distance separates. The ones where you are loved for who you are, flaws and all...no expectations required in order to be worthy. The seasonal ones that come for a purpose and end for a reason. The workplace ones and the personal ones. The virtual ones where bodies never meet but souls connect. The ones that come our way, so unexpectedly but right on time. I am so thankful for all these friendships because somehow they have all played an important role when i needed it the most.
So many times we underestimate how important these human connections are. Or how beautiful it is that God (or whatever you believe in) designed friendships this way...that we may all play a special part in each other's lives, by being true to who we are.
Xx,
Victoria
I want to be invited (so please do send me that invite) but there's also a chance i will not go. I want to hit that new club with the girls but there's always that moment when stilettos are on and all i need is some lipstick then i am ready to go...but suddenly i look at my comfy couch and warm, fur blanket and all urge to go out clubbing is gone. The couch, pop-corn, a glass of red and nice movie easily wins.
But i am the friend you can call when you are lying in a hospital bed awaiting some scary news and you need someone to stay and hold your hand. I am the friend you call when your world comes crushing down and you need a good cry on a comfortable couch with some hot tea, no questions and lots of fluffy napkins to wipe your tears. I am that friend you call when you need the truth because i will always tell it as it is. I am the loyal till the end friend and also the emotional friend who remembers the name of your childhood dog, and who will get nostalgic and teary-eyed with you as we look through old pictures. I am the friend who will save your money for you and remind you that i still have it even if it is ten years later (if you are that forgetful hahaha). I am the friend you leave your children with and know that i will care for them as if they were my own. I am that friend who picks up mail for her friend in her P.O.Box and mails it to her abroad every month for a year until her return. I am that friend who will go visit your aunt in hospice because you cannot be there. And i am the friend you don't have to call all the time but when we meet, we can still pick up right where we left off...i am also the friend you can be in silence with...
I am so thankful for friendships...all kinds of friendships. The ones that stand the test of time. The ones that last even when distance separates. The ones where you are loved for who you are, flaws and all...no expectations required in order to be worthy. The seasonal ones that come for a purpose and end for a reason. The workplace ones and the personal ones. The virtual ones where bodies never meet but souls connect. The ones that come our way, so unexpectedly but right on time. I am so thankful for all these friendships because somehow they have all played an important role when i needed it the most.
So many times we underestimate how important these human connections are. Or how beautiful it is that God (or whatever you believe in) designed friendships this way...that we may all play a special part in each other's lives, by being true to who we are.
Xx,
Victoria
Sunday, 28 October 2018
Summer came, summer went.
I have spent the past few days sorting and folding and figuring out where to donate some clothing items or who to give them to, because i feel i can do with much less than i currently have even though i gave away half my stuff already just a few years ago. I thought i would need that stuff eventually or miss it but i do not. Instead i want even less! In this process i have found myself so thankful for what i have and the fact that i do not feel the need to have more stuff...so thankful for the contentment i have found in living with less, but more on that later...
While sorting and folding, i have found myself reflecting on the summer we just ended and what a gift it was...reflecting (especially after an event, as opposed to in the moment) helps make things so much clearer for me. It was not all perfect (it never really is) but it was beautiful, and involved a lot of travel. Travel will always have a special place in my life...from a young age my dreams were about going away to faraway lands and exploring.
I feel so grateful for the chance to have those lazy days in June, in Sardina (Sadegna). I lazed around in the mornings, sometimes on my sea view balcony other days at the beach, taking in the fresh sea air, soaking up those morning, gentle rays and just being in the moment. In the afternoons if we were not napping after exhausting ourselves swimming in the sea, we lugged coolers to the shore packed with cold beverages and salami sandwiches that we ate with sandy hands when taking breaks from splashing in the sea and our snorkeling adventures. In the evenings we strolled the beautiful sidewalks, ate ice-cream and sometimes attended the community summer festivals that took place most nights.
In August i finally had the chance to visit Santorini, this beautiful island i always wanted to see. The breathtaking sunsets and views did not disappoint. The culture and food was a joyful experience. The whitewashed walls and bright blue doors and rooftops, the white sand and black sand and feta cheese...it was all divine. The only thing that could compete with the stunning colors of the buildings is again, the famous santorini sunset! I feel thankful that i was able to go.
I did a lot of traveling this year (i won't get into all the places i went) than i ever have before, and it was all so necessary. It was yet another chance to change things up, inhale and exhale. I found myself dizzied with so much gratitude than usual, and being in the moment more than ever. I did not take so many pictures but gosh, my heart felt so full.
Now that summer is gone and the cold air is starting to creep in, i find myself shifting and adjusting mentally but also emotionally (the seasons tend to do this to me) in a good way. I find myself self-reflecting while sipping on hot tea, stuck indoors as the rain pours...and sometimes nostalgic for the sea air...but in all this my heart is full. I think i might have one more trip (or two) that involve sun that i will squeeze in between winter but even if that doesn't happen, i feel this gratitude for what was this summer, and that's what this journey is about.
Xx,
Victoria
While sorting and folding, i have found myself reflecting on the summer we just ended and what a gift it was...reflecting (especially after an event, as opposed to in the moment) helps make things so much clearer for me. It was not all perfect (it never really is) but it was beautiful, and involved a lot of travel. Travel will always have a special place in my life...from a young age my dreams were about going away to faraway lands and exploring.
I feel so grateful for the chance to have those lazy days in June, in Sardina (Sadegna). I lazed around in the mornings, sometimes on my sea view balcony other days at the beach, taking in the fresh sea air, soaking up those morning, gentle rays and just being in the moment. In the afternoons if we were not napping after exhausting ourselves swimming in the sea, we lugged coolers to the shore packed with cold beverages and salami sandwiches that we ate with sandy hands when taking breaks from splashing in the sea and our snorkeling adventures. In the evenings we strolled the beautiful sidewalks, ate ice-cream and sometimes attended the community summer festivals that took place most nights.
In August i finally had the chance to visit Santorini, this beautiful island i always wanted to see. The breathtaking sunsets and views did not disappoint. The culture and food was a joyful experience. The whitewashed walls and bright blue doors and rooftops, the white sand and black sand and feta cheese...it was all divine. The only thing that could compete with the stunning colors of the buildings is again, the famous santorini sunset! I feel thankful that i was able to go.
I did a lot of traveling this year (i won't get into all the places i went) than i ever have before, and it was all so necessary. It was yet another chance to change things up, inhale and exhale. I found myself dizzied with so much gratitude than usual, and being in the moment more than ever. I did not take so many pictures but gosh, my heart felt so full.
Now that summer is gone and the cold air is starting to creep in, i find myself shifting and adjusting mentally but also emotionally (the seasons tend to do this to me) in a good way. I find myself self-reflecting while sipping on hot tea, stuck indoors as the rain pours...and sometimes nostalgic for the sea air...but in all this my heart is full. I think i might have one more trip (or two) that involve sun that i will squeeze in between winter but even if that doesn't happen, i feel this gratitude for what was this summer, and that's what this journey is about.
Xx,
Victoria
Thursday, 25 October 2018
Let us start this journey!
The writer in me wants to package this so neatly and eloquently but alas, writing about myself is not always easy because most times i honestly do not know where to start...i don't know why, but i find it difficult to do and find myself debating on what to say and what to leave out. That said, it is only fair that i leave a little introduction here for my readers.
Like many of you will agree, life can be so messy and mine has not disappointed...it is anything but tidy and i am sure as we go along it might become very evident.
For now, the short of it is this:
I was born and raised in Nairobi, Kenya. I eventually left Kenya and lived in Uganda (country next door) where both parents are originally from but fled during those hopeless times when the country was being torn apart by war. Eventually i ended up in the U.S but i have lived and traveled in Europe as well.
I am a nurse but i have done many other things in the past. From modeling to working in a science research institute monitoring beeping machines in labs and answering phones to being a barista (love coffee) to childcare and working in the tourism sector back in Uganda aka Pearl of Africa.
I have started over more than i care to count. I have uprooted myself more than the average person. I have made friends and lost touch with friends with all the moving. I have met interesting and amazing people and experienced things that i never imagined would happen to me, both good and horrible. I have lived fast and i have lived much slower. I have been up and i have been down.
Through the heartaches and joys, i decided i want to be more intentional about being thankful (easier said than done). We all know that gratitude is a virtue worth having but when life happens, well, it becomes hard to do sometimes. So because i enjoy writing, i figured through it i can not only share my journey of learning and practicing thankfulness, but also become more aware as i write, and perhaps while doing all that, we meet in the middle.
Thank you for joining me.
Xx,
Victoria
Like many of you will agree, life can be so messy and mine has not disappointed...it is anything but tidy and i am sure as we go along it might become very evident.
For now, the short of it is this:
I was born and raised in Nairobi, Kenya. I eventually left Kenya and lived in Uganda (country next door) where both parents are originally from but fled during those hopeless times when the country was being torn apart by war. Eventually i ended up in the U.S but i have lived and traveled in Europe as well.
I am a nurse but i have done many other things in the past. From modeling to working in a science research institute monitoring beeping machines in labs and answering phones to being a barista (love coffee) to childcare and working in the tourism sector back in Uganda aka Pearl of Africa.
I have started over more than i care to count. I have uprooted myself more than the average person. I have made friends and lost touch with friends with all the moving. I have met interesting and amazing people and experienced things that i never imagined would happen to me, both good and horrible. I have lived fast and i have lived much slower. I have been up and i have been down.
Through the heartaches and joys, i decided i want to be more intentional about being thankful (easier said than done). We all know that gratitude is a virtue worth having but when life happens, well, it becomes hard to do sometimes. So because i enjoy writing, i figured through it i can not only share my journey of learning and practicing thankfulness, but also become more aware as i write, and perhaps while doing all that, we meet in the middle.
Thank you for joining me.
Xx,
Victoria
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